


On The Subject Of Power

by HenryMars



Category: Soul Star - Fandom
Genre: F/M, I just wanted an excuse to solidify my headcanons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 14:30:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17427704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HenryMars/pseuds/HenryMars
Summary: Kaumudi has some trouble with her power and Hacim helps because he's a good lad.





	On The Subject Of Power

**Author's Note:**

> Featuring the Headcanons of:  
> Bipolar!Kaumudi  
> Anxiety!Kaumudi  
> Depression!Kaumudi  
> Aromatic Asexual!Kaumudi  
> (I do a lot to Kaumudi I'm so sorry)  
> Loosely mentioning Headcanons:  
> ADD!Hacim  
> Bisexual!Hacim
> 
> And of course I'm pretending the backstories I gave them are canon because no one can stop me I'm too powerful as a fanfic author  
> EDIT: I forgot to post the teaser vid I'm a bad person https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McrTk7TZ9FM&t=

Her power made her nervous; the way the ice froze her muscles, solidified her veins. She’s attempted to use it twice, to bond with it purposefully, and each time it  _ metaphorically _ blew up in her face and  _ literally _ froze her over in a crystalline chrysalis. That’s not to mention the several other times she’s used it unintentionally. One incident started with tapping on a shoulder to gain their attention, only to give them a literal cold shoulder; another was trying to cook and she froze the fire that had been started.

To receive the missive, to be chosen as a Moon Guard, to learn how to use a power that refused to be controlled….that  _ terrified _ Kaumudi, and that terror froze the paper in a layer of frost that shattered when she dropped it in surprise.

She is nothing like Hacim Sol; he’s a contradiction to her in every way. He was a little flighty, but confident in his strength; the newest of the Sun Guard wielded magma, her opposite, with an ease that must have taken moons to manage.

Ahura assured her that she was fine, it’s okay to not have instant mastery, she’s here to learn, but the tears that pricked her eyes in frustration glaciated painfully and plinked to the ground like gravel; the self-doubt like creeping ivy, tying her to her mat in the early morning. She didn’t feel capable, so  _ why bother? _

The last person Kaumudi wanted to see was the person that was superior to her in every way, but beggars can’t be choosers. Not that she was currently begging; she was trying to work up the nerve to get up and partake in the morning meal.

At least he knocks, a polite rapping in a set of four on her thin door.

“Hey, Kau?”

“It’s Kaumudi,” she snaps reflexively, turning to face the door. Hacim was already dressed, or maybe never changed -- Kaumudi isn’t sure if he has any other clothing aside from the obscenely-bright orange tank shirt and jean short-shorts. He shrinks from her early-morning glare when he pokes his head in.

“S-sorry, Kaumudi. Um...did you need a minute to get ready? You...I’m worried, you keep coming down later and later to breakfast.”

“Didn’t ask you to worry about me,” the Moon Guardian grumbles as she threw off her blanket. Her purple nightgown has a golden crescent moon on her chest, like her regular outfit, but Kaumudi has never felt farther than the serenity it used to grant. Ever since  _ that night _ , the night she got her powers, she’s felt...in disarray, in chaos. It’s been nearly six moons since then, and even though she  _ knows _ she’s supposed to be an Ice-wielder, nothing about using it has felt  _ right _ . Mastery has never seemed more distant in the few weeks she’s been here. It’s infuriating, upsetting; she feels renewed anger at herself as she tosses off her nightgown -- Hacim having the sense to close the door in a hurry -- and shoving herself into her usual gear: a purple jumpsuit-like outfit with a yellow upturned crescent moon. The golden fabric shimmers. It mocks her quietly in this way. She fights the urge to tear it off. Hacim pokes his head back inside, sees she is dressed, and braves further in.

“Are you okay, Kaumudi?” he asks again.

“Never better, now let’s go get some breakfast.”

She goes to move past him, but he’s a rock, a massive hunk of coal, and a wave of heat nauseates her as ice spreads from Hacim’s bicep to his elbow. It’s melted in an instant, becoming a puddle on her floor as the hot flash in her is blown away by a chillin inner breeze. Hacim doesn’t flinch.

“Kaumudi,” he says, and there is a seriousness to his voice that was lacking earlier, “are you really okay?”

She wants to brush him off. She wants to move past this. She wants to ignore this -- and him. But in the face of such earnestness...her guard is already down. He can’t unsee the weakness in her eyes, the fury and doubt. She doesn’t crumble -- she’ll never collpase in anyone’s presence, friend or foe -- but the walls around her heart falter, just a little; a brick or few come loose and her insecurities shine through.

Kaumudi forces herself to look up at him. Even if she isn’t proud of her inability to control her Ice, she might as well face the reality of it head-on as she gives her struggle a shape. As she tries not to look as broken as she feels.

“I can’t control my powers. There. Happy, Sir Perfect?”

Hacim quirks his brow, mouthing, “Sir Perfect…?” before shaking it off and continuing with, “N-no, I’m not happy, and clearly neither are you, and I  _ really _ don’t like seeing you like this...this...this mopey puddle of melted ice!”

“Do you mean ‘water’?” Kaumudi clarifies with a hint of a chuckle.

“Yes, that!” Hacim sighs, running a hand up his orange hair. “It’s just...bluh, feelings aren’t my thing, but I thought we were friends, but then you got mad at me for dumb things, then you stopped talking to me and pretty much stopped coming to practice and now  _ I’m _ stepping in before you stop eating, too!” He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Hey, no,  _ you _ don’t get to pout!” Kaumudi snaps. “ _ You’re _ the perfect class-A warrior type! Mastery of your power, valiant, strong -- like really strong, damn, do you actually lift? -- and I’m just a scared bipolar mess too terrified to actually  _ try _ to use my power ‘cuz everytime I do I’ve done more harm than any potential good I could ever do and I’m just wondering when Ahura will realize his mistake and send me back and-”

She didn’t know when she started crying. Maybe about the same time Hacim pulled her into a hug. They melt into his shirt. She felt ashamed for breaking down so suddenly.

“Kaumudi, if you’d’ve just  _ said _ something, we could’ve helped you. _ I _ could’ve helped you. I don’t like seeing you so upset,” he tells her. He lets her go and she scrapes the tears from her eyes, melting mercifully quick on her cheeks.

“But- but your power worked  _ so _ well!” she protests. “And you’re so much younger than I am-”

“Only by like two years,” Hacim is quick to right, “and everyone's powers are different, remember what Ahura taught us? Just because we’re the next ‘Servants of Light’ or whatever doesn’t mean we have to be pros already! We’re still learning- hell,  _ I’m _ still learning! Everyday we’re being taught a new technique to control our powers.”

“Like you need it,” Kaumudi scoffs.

“I do, Kaumudi, of course I do! If I don’t, I might slip up and hurt people, maybe even worse than last time!”

“Last time…?” she repeats. Hacim sighs a long, burdened sigh.

“...For the record, I  _ also _ think Ahura made a mistake with me,” he begins slowly. “So believe me when I say, the last thing I intended was to make you feel inferior. I look up to you. A lot. You’re so headstrong and determined. You’re my friend, ‘Mudi-”

“ _ Kau _ -mudi,” she interrupts.

“Right, yes, no nicknames, fine, but just because I have control over my power doesn’t mean I’ve ‘mastered’ anything in any way. The...circumstances in which Magma and I met were dire. I had little choice in how I handled it.” Hacim looks down at his hands, clenched into fists. “Sometimes, I still feel I have little control over how it works.”

“...Ice triggered an anxiety attack,” Kaumudi admits quietly. “I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. It was awful. It has never worked properly for me, so I wonder if...if the UNiverse somehow made a mistake.”

His hand burns her shoulder in a reassuring way.

“Just because you got it differently doesn’t mean it’s not your power,” Hacim tells her. He smiles like the sun, relentlessly gentle and sincere. “Now c’mon; breakfast awaits, provided Iakchos hasn’t eaten it all yet.”

Kaumudi feels herself smile back, as delicate as the waning moon’s light.

“Okay.”

 

-⭐-🔆-🌙-

 

It was Hacim who proposed they practice separately from the others, saying something in private to Ahura before they were quarantined to a separate training field. Kaumudi feels nervous, the ice flitting like a light snow flurry in her belly. Hacim takes her hand at some point, a comforting gesture that eases her worry, as he leads her to the heavily-wooded field.

“Target practice,” he tells her. “Shouldn’t be hard; trees are everywhere.”

“But what if-”

He squeezes her hand, a ray of sunlight through the overcast flurry.

“I’ll be here if something go wrong,” he vows solemnly, blue eyes meeting gold. “Promise.”

Kaumudi swallows and nods. Hacim let’s go and nods back. She walks a few steps away before he shouts, “Goooo Kamudi! You got this! I believe in you!”

Kaumudi rolls her eyes but can’t fight the smile that breaks her anxious mood. “Do you ever stop being so...encouraging?” she calls back.

“Nope! Go get ‘em, tiger!”

She snorts a laugh. He really is impossible to hate; he is too good-hearted, well-intentioned, optimistic.

But now the moment of truth: trying to use her power and not freeze an entire forest nor let ice consume her. Hacim told her how he got his power on their way down; how royally he slipped up and how hard he worked to atone for what had happened as a result. She can do this, she  _ had _ to do this. She’s one of the Moon Guard, a Servant of Light. This is nothing. This should be nothing.

Ice creeps up her arm. The snowstorm stirring in her gut roars as she tries to focus her power out her outstretched hand. Her breath shallows, come out too fast; the ice constricts her chest, she can’t breathe as the air in her lungs become glaciers and her mouth and nose freeze over-

“Kau!”

Warm arms thaw the suffocating ice as Hacim hugs her again. Air works once more, becoming gaseous in her lungs. He clothes are soaked through with water. Her breathing eases in his heat.

“...I’m sorry,” she says when they part, “but see what happens?! It’s going to kill me if I-”

“Keep going.”

“Yes, exactly, if I keep going, I’ll-”

“No, I’m telling you, Kaumudi: keep going.”

“What!?”

“You’re letting your anxiety use your power instead of you. You can’t let distress rule your Ice, because Ice didn’t choose your doubt, your bipolarity, your hair; Ice chose  _ you. _ ”

Kaumudi closes her eyes and takes a shaky breath, clenching her fists. Her heart stops racing, stops feeling so cold. She breathes out, relaxing her hands.

“Okay. I’ll try again.”

“That’s the spirit!” Hacim cheers, patting her back before stepping a safe distance away.

It takes most of the day, a cycle of trying to shoot icicles at a tree, having a panic attack, being talked down from said panic attack, and taking a moment to work up the nerve to try again. Hacim is stubbornly kind throughout all of this; he would not let her quit. It’s annoying, being made to try over and over; it’s scary, facing that soul-crushing panic in an unending loop.

But she could never say it was all for naught when she finally shoots a blast at the tree several lengths away. “It was nowhere near the target tree directly in front of her, but she has finally,  _ finally _ , expelled ice with intent from her palm without choking on ice cubes and dissolving into anxiety. She’s panting heavily, a sheen of sweat and water dampening her skin, but she is grinning ear to ear. She channeled the storm from her core to her fingers. The were frosted over, but she didn’t care; she launches another ice bolt at her intended target. She still misses, but it knocks up a spray of fallen leaves and leaves an icy patch much closer than her first shot. And Hacim doesn’t let the victory go unnoticed, either; he rushes to her and scoops her up happily, swinging her around and cheering raucously, “You did it!!” before crushing her in a warm bear hug. Something feels different about this hug, more personal and affectionate, and he must have realized it too, because he hurriedly and awkwardly releases her a moment later.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“No, Hacim, it’s fine!” Kaumudi reassures.

“Are you sure?”

“You’ve literally been hugging me all morning,” she points out. “At this point, I think I’d feel weird if you  _ didn’t _ hug me.”

“S-sorry, I thought--I think--...I made it weird, didn’t I?”

“Only by saying it’s weird did you make it weird.” Kaumudi grabs his hand. “Now c’mon; it’s lunchtime and I’m  _ starving! _ ”

Hacim smiles and let’s her lead on the way back to headquarters.

“Sorry, I just...belatedly realized hugging you like that was…weird, I guess,” he tells her, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand.

“No, it’s fi--well, it was weird at first, but it’s okay. If you’re worried that you’re accidentally forcing yourself on me, I’m not interested in anything like that, romantically or otherwise, so you’re okay,” Kaumudi explains, walking side by side with her companion.

“Oh, okay, cool--good, um...now I feel better,” Hacim says, still sounding embarrassed. “It was not my intention to get  _ that _ close to you. N-not that you’re not pretty or cool or anything!” he adds hurriedly. “You’re just...not my type.”

“And what is your type, dare I ask?” she replies, eyes glittering with mischief at the potential gossip.

“I’m not super into men and women who can kick my ass.”

Kaumudi laughs at this. “I can  _ barely _ use my power, can’t hit a tree three feet in front of me, and  _ I  _ qualify as someone who can kick your ass?”

“In hand-to-hand? Yes. When you finally get control over ice? Double-yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sloppy dismount I know I wrote this in a facility and had access to nothing but the journal I wrote this in.


End file.
